It's amazing what you can learn...

Yesterday, I dared ER to go say something stupid (I won't say what it was, but there were no curses in it and it sounded relatively dumb and mildly insulting but mostly confusing) to JS. He went and shouted it at JS even after I said I was kidding and didn't want him to. But, of course, like all guys, he refused to listen and I was running home as I heard him shouting it. I was really embarrassed and freaked out and the next day I asked EW what happened.
So... I like writing in the present tense, let's write it that way:
"ER! What did he say?" I shout. ER does not respond; he keeps walking towards the apartment where he lives. Okay, looks like this will require expert probing.
I start to run. He doesn't seem to notice, and KD and MS are also chasing him. We catch him and I ask again, "ER!!!! What did JS say???? Come on!!! Tell me!!"
He's not answering.
We grab his backpack and hold it hostage.
"ER, spill, or the backpack gets it."
"NO!" ER shouts. "Give it back!"
KD gets a bit carried away and starts chasing him again, even though he's about two yards in front of us and making no sign of attempting escape. No wonder. We have his backpack and his homework. He actually cares about his grade.
"Watch it! You're getting dirt on my new shoes!" ER says angrily to KD. Woooowww... ER is a little grumpy. MS decides that it's not worth finding out what happened with JS and heads home. KD is a little more persistent, however, and stays along with me.
"What did he say?!" I ask again.
"Look! I don't want to tell you because he said something really mean!"
Oh, wow. I really like where this is going.
Suddenly, I'm not so interested in what happened. "Okey dokey, here. Take back the backpack... I don't need to know what Mr. Jerkface said about me anyway." Well, I kinda do, but not enough to feel sad about it afterward.
KD is a little interested though, and as I drop ER's backpack at his feet, KD puts her foot on it and says, "You don't get it back until you tell me what JS said."
ER groans and says, "He said Sofia was an ugly b**** who made bad jokes."
HA!
That's the big deal?!!!? He called me the b word? And ugly? And that I make bad jokes?! I'm almost insulted that that was the insult! I can handle that! I get called a b**** on a daily basis. And I'm not super popular, so I don't expect a jock like JS to find me aesthetically pleasing. Not that I would really care. The dude is so emo, I have seen him smile like twice in this lifetime, and I've known him since third grade. He doesn't seem to be very happy, and I don't take life advice from someone who can't even satisfy themselves.
... And I make bad jokes????
Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize you wanted to be entertained.
I'm laughing so hard right now.
I make bad jokes. Ha ha ha ha ha!!!!! XD!
Oh, jeez. *Wipes tears of laughter from eyes.*
Okay, moving on.
I felt a little upset for a few minutes and I even planned a revenge plot that involved a binder full of threatening messages and then I decided, who the heck cares?
But I did realize something:
It's amazing what you can learn about yourself by listening to insults from jocks. I feel like I'm on a journey to self-awareness! I am an ugly b**** who makes bad jokes.
HA.